


The Waiting Game

by merlin_the_dragonlord



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insanity, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, insane merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlin_the_dragonlord/pseuds/merlin_the_dragonlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has returned, but the years have not been kind to Merlin. </p><p>Over a thousand years of nightmares have torn him apart. </p><p>It's Arthur's turn to protect Merlin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Waiting Game

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This work is very emotionally heavy. I wanted to play around with the idea that after so many years, Merlin had gone insane from the nightmares of Arthur's death and thinking that it was his fault. It is implied that Merlin attempted suicide. 
> 
> I took an enormous number of liberties in Merlin's insanity, I mean no offense. 
> 
> For more details, see the notes at the end- I wanted to leave these notes spoiler-free. 
> 
> Please take heed of the tags and my warnings. I really don't want to cause any problems for anyone.

Arthur’s heart broke at the sight in front of him. He had been warned of the reality of what he was facing, but to actually see it himself… that was a whole different world. The walls of the small room were a pristine white, the only furniture being a bed in the corner. There were crayons and papers on the floor. He picked one up and his lips thinned when he read the words on the paper. It was a plea for forgiveness and a cry for help. Sadly, he released the paper and let it flutter back onto the floor. His eyes were then diverted to the bed.

“Merlin?” He drew a harsh breath saw his friend curled up listlessly, eyes staring into the distance, but not seeing. “Oh Merlin….” He stepped closer, but paused when Merlin tensed, curling up more into himself. “I’m so sorry…”

“Mr. Pendragon, you may not want to get too close. The patient is extremely volatile.” Dr. Aredian sneered from the doorway.

“Thank you, but I believe I can handle him myself.” Arthur said curtly, not looking back at the doctor, out of fear that he wouldn’t be able to control the roaring anger rising up within him. “Leave.”

“As you command.” Being the son of the prime minister had its perks, in this lifetime.

The moment the door clanged shut, Arthur walked closer to Merlin, softly murmuring wordless pleas in an attempt to bring the warlock back to… well, he wasn’t quite sure what. He managed to get close enough to sit on the bed in an unoccupied spot. His hand was awkwardly outstretched, not knowing if physical contact would be welcome.

“The demons are coming.” Merlin’s voice was devoid of all emotion as he spoke. Slowly, he began to sit up. “Master always told me that the demons were coming.” A hint of hysteria colored his tone. “Master always told me that I was bad. That the demons are coming for me.” That made Arthur pause momentarily in an attempt to decipher the words, but he decided that it wasn’t important.

“Merlin, no, you’re not bad. You’re… the most noble and bravest man I ever met.” It was ironic, how Arthur could stand in front of the nation and improvise the greatest speech ever heard, but in front of this man, finding the right words was the most difficult task he had ever encountered. Arthur felt a sick sensation in his stomach when Merlin turned his eyes towards him. The normally expressive blue eyes were dark and haunted with pain and confusion. Merlin blinked.

“You’re Arthur.” He said simply.

“Yes.” He wanted to laugh at the turn of events, but the guilt held firm. Merlin had faithfully taken case of him for so long and oh, how the tables have turned.

“Kilgharrah did say you would return.” His tone was mild, as if he was asking about the weather. “He never really told me when though. Silly Kilgharrah, always speaking in riddles.” Merlin giggled and that sound hit Arthur harder than a punch to the stomach did.

“S-stop it, Merlin.” Arthur reached out his hands and grabbed at Merlin’s hands.

Merlin stared at their conjoined hands, his eyes widening briefly. He looked up at Arthur. “Why can I feel you? No one else touches me. Morgana tries, oh she does, but she’s a stupid girl. She can’t touch me. She wants to. She tries to kill me, you know. But I’m Emrys. She can’t kill me. But it’s okay, because I do it for her. See?” Merlin withdrew his hands, a grin on his face as he took his neckerchief off. Arthur found it hard to swallow when he saw finger-shaped bruises lining the pale neck. It hit him that _Merlin did that to himself_. “It doesn’t work though. My magic punishes me for it.” His voice was mournful and everything in Arthur’s world narrowed to focus on the broken figure in front of him. Helplessness filled him. He wasn’t prepared to handle this.

Arthur had to resist the urge to get up and run. He hated seeing Merlin in this state. He hated himself even more for allowing this to happen. “I’m real, Merlin.”

Merlin’s smile grew. “Silly Arthur, you can’t be real. You died.” He fell silent and his grin disappeared. “It was my fault. I let you die.” He frowned. “You died.” He repeated. “You died… here…” He pointed at his chest where Arthur remembered laying his head as he took his last breath on the fields of Camlann.

“I’m back, Merlin. I’m back for good this time.” Arthur pleaded, desperate. “I promise you I’m not leaving you this time.” He wanted to take Merlin into his arms, to erase that skeletal, haunted air around him. This was his fault that his friend had suffered all this time.

Merlin shook his head as he wrapped his arms around himself. That movement made Arthur’s heart ache even more as he realized how lonely the warlock must have been after all this time. Over a thousand years in solitude and heavens know how long Merlin had been left in this state. “You always leave me.” Merlin whispered hollowly. “You always leave me.”

“No, no, no, Merlin, I promise. I swear to you, with my life, that I’m not leaving you ever again.” He was so desperate. He wanted nothing more than to help Merlin and bring him back.

“Every night. You leave me.” Arthur had to stifle a gasp at the implications of that statement. It literally drove Merlin insane to dream about his death every night. Fate had not been kind to the warlock. Every night, he relived the worst moment of his life, ingraining his failure into the very core of his existence, for over a thousand years. Arthur sat there in silence, unsure of how to proceed. Seconds turned into minutes before finally, he felt a hand cover his own. “Arthur?” Merlin looked up at Arthur and his heart leapt in excitement when he saw a glimmer of recognition and sentience in those eyes.

“Merlin.” Arthur breathed out. “Are you…”

“Arthur.” Merlin gave a soft smile. “You really are back.” He looked down at their hands. “I… I’m glad.”

“Merlin, I promise I’m going to take care of you.” Arthur swore earnestly.

Merlin shook his head. “It’s too late for me. I… Will you do me a favor, prat?”

“Anything.”

“Will you… take me to Freya?” Arthur froze at the mention of the lady of the lake. Dread filled him as he contemplated Merlin’s request. But, he always had difficulty saying no to Merlin. He nodded, but his blood ran cold at Merlin's next words. “I… I’m asking you… to let me go.”

Arthur’s heart clenched, but he knew that it was for Merlin’s benefit and that he was owed entrance to Avalon after all of the sacrifices he made. “Of course.” He took Merlin in his arms and lifted him, mourning at how light he now was. “I’ll take you there now.”

“Thank you.” It was Arthur’s turn to wait and he would wait for an eternity if that meant he could be with Merlin again.

**Author's Note:**

> General spoilers: 
> 
> Arthur is reborn and finds Merlin in an insane asylum after her remembers Camelot. Merlin thinks that Arthur is another vision and talks about his other visions. He then has a moment of clarity and asks Arthur to take him to Avalon to recover.


End file.
